Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NRSV)
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help. Again, if two lie together, they keep warm; but how can one keep warm alone? And though one might prevail against another, two will withstand one. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.
1 Corinthians 12:26 (NRSV)
If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is
honored, all rejoice together with it.
What is the essence of true family? Is it simply genetic relatedness, or does it transcend the biological into the spiritual realm?
Most of my life I have felt like a loner. I am the youngest of three siblings born eight years behind my brother and sister who were a mere 18 months apart. When I was old enough to be cognitive of those around me, it seemed that they were a team and I was "third-man-out". I was the tag-along that was too much trouble. I was teased by them but whenever I squawked my mother scolded my brother whether he had done anything or not simply assuming he was the cause. This did nothing to endear me to my sibs although my sister often found it amusing.
They were rock-stars always doing things that were praised by my parents while I was too immature to achieve any such great accomplishments. My early years are filled with memories of being carted along with my parents to attend events to watch my older siblings perform in sports or musicals, science fairs and art fairs.
As I grew older and my sister hit the difficult young adult years, whenever I did anything worthy of praise, Mom would give me a compliment wrapped in a comment about how she wished my sister would also do whatever I was doing so well so that my accomplishments could not shine without being diminished by the shadow of my sister. My sister now tells me that she felt my brother was the favorite and that she was always in his shadow. My brother thinks I was the favorite...maybe from always being accused of causing me to squawk. Both of my siblings think that my mother let me "get away with everything" while they got a way with nothing. I merely felt ignored. This may have been the reason I caused so much trouble as a teen...or maybe I was simply a typical teen with the sense of also not being cared for enough to be pulled into correction. Did I swing wider and wider out of bounds hoping that some centrifugal force would pull me closer to the heart of my family?
My father was a quiet man who left the children to my mother's rule. My mother dove into a career when I was old enough to start attending school. I believe she felt very rewarded by having a successful career and it took the rock-star place now abandoned by my siblings as they moved into the difficult teen years and into college. My teen years were dangerous but whenever I did something outrageous enough to be noticed by my parents, was the scolding what I was seeking just to have some attention at all? I felt more like an interuption than a family member.
My teen years grew wilder and wilder. At 18 I moved out of the house to live on my own. Even though the people I ran with were raucous and lively, I often felt alone. Within a few months I moved into a commune in the country with a group of long-haired people who seemed to have a mission to change the world. No one was past the age of 25 and all were breaking out of their childhood into a brave new world of their own creation. It was exciting at first, but it was not long before I saw nothing truly revolutionary about it but simple rebellion to the bounds of decent society; the stuff of any dissident youth in any time in history. I wanted something more in my life. I was seeking a true answer to the chaos of my life.
I came across a New Testament and started reading the Book of John. The love of God expressed there began to fan a spark in my heart and mind. Maybe it was the interwoven sense of family expressed in the word of God that drew me in. Within a few months of reading I began to form my own opinions of God and Jesus apart from what I had taken for granted in Sunday School as a child. I was developing a relationship that was not handed down to me from my parents but one uniquely my own.
The spark grew into a flame and I finally felt that centrifugal force drawing me into the heart of my true family, the family of God. When I speak of this, I mean the spiritual, transcendental family of God and not a single sect or denomination. I felt a kinship with all who love God. This newness in my heart did draw me back into a relationship with my own family unit. I had a repentent heart as it was exposed by the light of God and I returned to my parents to ask them to forgive me for all the grief and worry I had caused them.
The love of God shining within gave me a belongingness and a true sense of family. I longed for not just the limited familiness of the family I was born into, but to be a part of God's family which extended in all directions and broke through all boundaries.
